Let us start by saying: The concept of a “good” sex life is completely subjective. Sexual satisfaction looks different for every couple, so there isn’t one right answer—it’s important to discover what you personally need to be sexually fulfilled.
Now, having said all this, researchers have identified some common patterns between couples who self-report great sex lives. Specifically, psychologists John Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., founders of the Gottman Institute, highlight a study surveying 70,000 people in 24 countries (detailed in the book, The Normal Bar).
The results? “The people who reportedly had a great sex life did things that were really different from the people who had an awful sex life,” John says on the mindbodygreen podcast. “And none of those things involve what you do in the bedroom.”